Dads, Pay Close Attention (Part II)

Alright, let’s finish  this. We did the first five rules of dating my daughter in a previous post. Today we do rules 6-10. 

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka – zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.  

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car – there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Maybe you can tell, I don’t trust boys with my daughter. And I don’t think you should either. This may come across a little harsh, but guys don’t think right when girls are around. Especially when dad isn’t around with her. If you are a dad and you’re reading this going, “Hey my daughter will only date good Christian boys”, I want to challenge you to read this post.

Dads, it’s our jobs, no, our priveledge to be the first experience our daughter’s have with true love in this world. We teach them how a real gentleman acts, how a real gentleman speaks. We have the priveledge of helping her decide who she spends, if done right, the rest of her life with. I’ve heard it said that a girl will marry her dad.  Live your life in such a way that you won’t worry if she does. If you’re not sure if you have lived that way, here’s a sure-fire way to find out…

ASK HER MOM.

Peace <><